Moving to Hawaii wasn’t a grand, calculated plan for me—it started from a desperate escape from a freezing, covid lockdown-weary New York City. More so, my grand arrival in “paradise” was far from a postcard moment.

The condo I booked had been trashed by the previous tenants, landing me in a bleak Days Inn for my first night. The next day didn’t fare much better. On my way to finally check in, I tripped over a curb and sliced my knee wide open. Bleeding, exhausted, and desperately wanting to just drop my bags, I walked in only to find the cleaning crew still hard at work.

Trying not to make a scene, I gave a casual wave and said, “Oh, don’t worry about me! A little salt water cures everything.”

The cleaners stopped and stared at me like I had two heads. “What?! You can’t go in the ocean with an open wound like that—you’ll get a staph infection!”

Coming from the East Coast, where salt water was the ultimate cure-all, I thought they were out of their minds. But as it turns out, paradise comes with its own set of rules. That knee gash was just lesson number one in a steep learning curve.

To save you from learning the hard way (and keep you out of the ER…or worse), here are the essential safety rules I’ve learned since moving to Maui:

1. Salt water is not a disinfectant

Despite what we grew up believing, ocean water isn’t sterile. Tropical waters carry bacteria that love open wounds. Keep cuts clean, dry, and out of the sea until they heal up.

2. Never turn your back on the ocean

It’s the golden rule for a reason. Rogue waves and unpredictable shorebreak can sweep you off a ledge or knock you flat onto hard sand in a split second—even on an apparently calm day. Always keep an eye on the swell.

3. Brown water = shark territory

When storm runoff turns the ocean murky, ocean life gets active—including sharks, who use the low visibility to hunt. If the water looks like chocolate milk, enjoy the view from the beach.

4. Flash floods happen in seconds

It doesn’t need to be raining on you for a flash flood to hit. Heavy rain high in the mountains flows down the valleys fast. If a quiet stream starts rising, muddying, or rushing, don’t wait around—get to higher ground immediately.

5. Watch out for wana

Lava rocks and shallow reefs are covered in wana (long-spined sea urchins). Their needle-sharp, venomous barbs break off instantly inside your skin and are nearly impossible to pull out. Always check before putting your feet down or gripping a rock.

6. Centipedes are pure evil

These aren’t harmless house bugs; they’re venomous, fast, and their bites will ruin your week. Always shake out your shoes, keep doors closed, and give them a very wide berth.

7. Don’t become a helicopter statistic

The goal of every outing is to return on your own two feet. Stay on marked trails, check the weather before heading out, and know your limits so you don’t end up needing an emergency airlift off the mountain.